One-Winged Angel: May 2005

!!something good will happen!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Random Lyrics I

I Don't Want To Be :: David Degraw :: Chariot (2003)

I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I’m coming from

(Chorus)
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned

(Chorus)
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please
If you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody

(Chorus)
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I don't want to be
I don't want to be
I don't want to be
I don't want to be

posted by One Winged Angel @ 4:28 PM 0 comments

The Purpose of Living

At one thread of OdinGuilds, I was volunteering on helping one of the members improve his site called EmpireOdin to promote OdinGuilds.tk. After a few weeks, he posted less and less, and we were all looking for him. I still haven't got the password and username of the EO geocities account. I need it so I can edit some stuff there. I tried sending private messages to his in-game avatar, but there was no response. Must be using bot that time. After a few days, he finally posted at the OG thread, saying how emotional he's becoming so having a hard time concentrating on the site, and he sometimes lost interest on posting at OG and playing RO. Glitch wanted to know what the problem was, and I too asked him to tell me about it.

A couple of days later, I received his private message.

He asked me what the pupose of living is. He says that "why do we need to live if we're gonna die someday?". And lots of other questions regarding life.

Well, honestly have no idea how I was going to answer those questions. And that's what I told him. But I gathered all my reasoning and tried to encourage him a little by sharing my views on life. One of the things I told him was very much like this:

"They say that life is given to us as gifts. If someone were to give you a gift and you already knew what was inside, you lose interest right? Like in the movies, if you already knew the ending, it wouldn't interest you that much to watch it anymore right? So maybe we can't answer the question 'What is the purpose of living' because we are asking the wrong question. So look at it from this point of view: 'Why do we not know our purpose of living?' and then maybe, you'll be able to get your answers. We don't know the purpose of living, because if we already knew that, then life would be so fuckin boring won't it?"

I don't know if he's going to like my answer. But I wish it could help him, if just for a little.

The day after that, I got another message from him, he was thanking me and praising me. He totally agreed with the things I said.

I'm glad I helped someone. I'm glad to know that someone actually thinks like me. I'm glad I'm able to understand some people, although most of the time I feel like no one understands me. ^_^

posted by One Winged Angel @ 3:56 PM 0 comments

Sunday, May 08, 2005

2:00 Sharp

We talked about our problems last Friday right? Well, we didn't have the chance to clear things up so before he left he told me we would talk about it the following day at 2:00pm.

The following day arrived, I was helping dad encode some contracts and other documents. I was rushing things up so I won't be late at our 2:00pm appointment. I finished encoding at exactly 1:30, then I prepared lunch. 1:45pm, he still wasn't there, and I haven't received any messages from him so I logged out for a while and ate my lunch. 2:15pm... he still wasn't there so I left him a message of what time it was.

2:30 came... he still wasn't there... 3:00... 3:45... 4:00... 4:30, I logged out again. But I was still hoping he would show up any minute. Dad told me to prepare dinner. I went to RC to buy ground meat. As I walked along the way, I was looking... searching for him all over the place. I was kinda hoping I would meet him along the way. I reached RC, there was no ground meat. I walked back home, still looking around; searching everywhere. Not a trace of him.

Back to our house, I went. Dad finally told me to go to "talipapa". I went in front of our house, waiting for a jeep. I saw Kyx, Loloy and Andoy. But he wasn't with them. I wanted to ask kyx where he was, but I couldn't coz dad was watching. A jeep came so I went on it. At talipapa, the same thing happened. I was looking all around, looking for a single trace of him. Nope, still no luck.

As I was riding a tricycle towards home, I remembered that he told me it was Adlei's birthday today. It kinda pissed me off. He shouldn't have told me that 2:00 appointment if he was planning on going to Adlei's birthday. I took a moment to think. I tried to understand. I don't wanna be angry at him anymore. I'm so tired of that shit. So I tried to understand his situation. Maybe he forgot.

8:00pm, we just finidhes eating dinner and dad was waiting for some guests so I was the one appointed to look after the shop. Lucky me, I had the chance to log in for a few more hours. I saw that Kyx was logged in. It was my chance to talk to him. I asked Kyx where "he" was. Kyx said he didn't know. I asked Kyx when "he will be back. He has no idea either. So I said thanks to Kyx and said my goodbyes.

9:00pm, time to close the shop. He still wasn't there. I'm beginning to get worried. What if something bad happened? No. I stopped myself from thinking about that. I have to think possitively. Maybe he got drunk with his barkada so he had to sleep overnight on one of his barkada's house.

It's now 10:45am... I still have no idea where he is.

posted by One Winged Angel @ 10:26 AM 0 comments

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Random Link II

The "What Kind of Goth are You" Quiz...

Ok this sucks... jst click on the link if you wanna know yourown results ok? By the way, here's mine:

Take that in any form you'd like. You could be a DJ, you could paint, you could write, you could even code. Still, you hold whatever you do as Art. You are passionate, and you can also try too hard.

What kind of goth are you?

Created by ptocheia

posted by One Winged Angel @ 12:18 AM 0 comments

Friday, May 06, 2005

Break

I just talked with "him" at yahoo messenger. Here's something I drew for him while we were chatting:

I was confessing to him about all the flirtatious actions I've been at since we were parted. He got a little angry of course, and warned me never to do those stuff again. When he asked me why I did those things, somehow... my mood changed. I told him I miss the old "him". Why did he change? He used to always raise my spirit up. He was the inspiration to fight. He used to be my only sanctuary. Around him, I could be myself. He was my refuge. But now... I don't know what happened. He just changed and started acting like all the other people around me. A lot of times, he really got to my nerves and irritated me; and he doesn't even know why. I just kept my mouth shut about it. But now, I told him. And he still asks why.

I used to think we're in the same level of thinking. In the past, I noticed that he's the only person that "gets" me. He understands everything I say to him. Now, he doesn't seem to understands me that much anymore. A lot of times, I would talk to him and he isn't even listening. Well, he says he reads/hears everything I say. But I don't think he understands. He hears but he doesn't listen. He reads but doesn't absorb. Now he's acting more like my parents. They only see me when they need me. They never listen to MY side.

I finally told him that we needed to take a break. We needed to get as far away from each other as possible. As usual, he didn't want to. Am I selfish? We're ruining each other. I really think we have to give space to breathe. I guess he doesn't understand. I guess I don't understand him either.

He's told me a thousand time before; how he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me. I don't know why... but I don't feel it anymore. I always hear those words from him, but I'm not sure if he still tells me those things because that's how he really feels. I guess the part about how he doesn;t want to lose me is real. But does he still love me? Or does he only need me as a trophy? Something he achieved perhaps? I dunno. I don't even know why I suddenly thought of these things... again.

I miss the "him" I fell in love with a few months ago. There is still hope that he would come back to me. He's the only person who can change me back again. I was like this when we frist met. And he changed me into someone who's a little "happier" about life. I hope he comes back and change me again.

posted by One Winged Angel @ 11:43 PM 0 comments

Thursday, May 05, 2005

One-Winged Angel

Everytime I visit my blog and hear that sweet-sad theme from ff8 (Fragments of memories) playing in the background, it makes me think about just how dependent humans are to each other. I feel sad everytime I hear this theme, and I look at my angel (at the right side >>>).

The first time I heard about on-winged angels was (no... not FF7; not Sephiroth) when I played this awesome RPG in Playstation X. It was a game entitled Xenogears. It had a great storyline; about adventures, conspiracies, love, destiny, and a quest to find one's self. There, it was mentioned that there were no humans in the past. There were only angels. God gave them only one wing each, so in order to fly back to heaven, they must hold on to each other. Thus, humans are one-winged angels who cannot fly up to heaven by themselves.

I heard another story, in a movie. It's about how humans were not humans in the past. They were something else and they were independent. So through time, their souls were split apart. When they come down to earth as humans, they must find their half; this is where the concept of "soulmates" came from. They must find each other in order to become one soul again. It doesn't necessarily have to be a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship and all that bullsh*t. For all we know, our soulmate's just there at our side our whole lives; we just looked and didn't see. Maybe it's our mother, or our dad, or our best friend. Maybe one of our siblings, maybe not even related to us at all.

If these legends are true, then wouldn't it be sad if in your lifetime you wouldn't find your half? What did you have lived down here in earth for?

I am a one-winged angel. I can't fly. I feel so alone.

posted by One Winged Angel @ 7:22 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Random Link I

Here's a nice link for Goth poets out there who want to write Goth poems but haven't got the vocabulary or imagination for it. It's called a Goth-O-Matic™ (sounds stupid huh?). It's a site where all you have to do is choose the word or phrase that you think would best fit your new Gothic poem. Well, here goes nothing! Hope you like it:

It is a night of darkness, a song of dark desire,
wolves vent their howls.
The ethereal onerises.

Mist shrouds her deathly form,
an eternal wanting.

Her raven hair cascades over
fragile milk-white shoulders, and her
full crimson lips part slightly, to taste the
life streaming from the
pale flesh beneath
her.

Now a night of ecstasy,
I hunger.

Well what do you think? To create your own gothic poem using Goth-O-Matic™ (geez, I hate that name...) here's the link... http://www.deadlounge.com/poetry/

posted by One Winged Angel @ 11:20 PM 0 comments

Public Service Announcement

Hihi... I made this post when I made Ylime's blog template. I put it here coz I strongly believe that it is equally applicable to this new blog skin I just made for myself. Well, onjoy reading it! ^_^

This template is not available for sale. I am available, though, if ever you want to order a blog template; just send your email at orbit_16_2003@yahoo.com and I'll see what I can do. For a greater chance for me to give you a good template, please do not hesitate to send all your money and belongings to our house; including your grandma... yeah, she's mine you little fruit cake! She will be my slave and make her cook pie for the rest of her life!

All images, sounds, and other stuff like css are hosted somewhere in China and you'll have to dig a hole using a plastic spoon to get there. If ever you intend to rip or pirate some of them, please get ur own f*ckin host provider, stop being a damn pirate and avoid direct linking. If ever my bandwidth exceeds for no reason, I'm going to hunt you down and tear ur f*ckin head of with my bear hands.

All image/s in this site was made by me. Stop being a damn p*ssy and create ur own. If ever I find my image/s on other sites I'm going to beat the sh*t out of whoever the site owner is.

Site layout including shout box template is and forever will be my property and I forbid you guys to steal it from me or I'll stalk you and kill ur momma.

All who go against my wishes will be stalked, their mommas killed, their puppy dogs strangled with its own guts, and their houses burnt to the ground. In addition to this, I will steal christmas and stab santa's eye with a pen. I will take over all of santa's operations and every christmas you will receive one of his body parts! Mwahahaha!!This has been a public service announcement brought to you by:

posted by One Winged Angel @ 6:55 PM 0 comments

Monday, May 02, 2005

Another Job Well Done

I just finished creating ylime's blog template! *finally* She has been bugging me for weeks about it, ever since she saw Katie's blog. I asked her what she's going to write about in her blog. Well, she didn't even have an account then! She said she just wanted a cute blog to brag about to her frineds. Well, geez; what'ya gonna brag about if you didn't even make the template? Well she didn't even help me creat the damn template. Not even a simple tag-- not even a dot of it. But I guess it's ok, coz when she saw the stuff I made she somehow got inspired and she started writing her blog entries. Imagine, 6 entries in one day?! Haha... Well, see the blog here, and you can comment about template: http://ylime1214.blogspot.com

posted by One Winged Angel @ 2:54 PM 0 comments

Bougainvilla Street

Yesterday, May 1, 2005, my parents and I went to my mom's cousin's birthday. We call him Jhong, by the way. He just reached his 24th year and I still don't know why he uses "po" when he's talking to me. What a nut. Well, like Tito Meherson, Tito Jhong is shy and timid and we weren't really that close so maybe that's why he addresses me that way when he talks to me. Anyway, back to the story.

Their house looked exactly the way it was the last time we visited there, and that was about 8 months ago. Still kinda messy, but they have anything you'd ever want. They served Bopis and Chicken Feet for lunch, and my mom didn't like eating pig entrails and feet so she didn't get to eat lunch. I waited for the Roast Pork to arrive. When it came every one was carrying a knife. Poor pig.

After lunch, beer time came. But it was hot inside the house so they set the tables and chairs on their backyard; Bougainvilla Street. Tito Jhong's barkada was blocking the street; they were sitting there, sharing jokes, singing, and drinking shots of Red Horse. I wonder why they have to drink that stuff by shots? I mean... Last time I had a taste of that, I remember, I was chugging down on my own glass. It wasn't actually a glass though. I was drinking on an 8 inch tall beer mug. They're such sissies compared to me. Anyway, they rented a videoke machine and it was that that made the party alive. Everyone was trying to get their hands on the microphone and the song book and we were having a good time. And then someone got his chance to sing... hey, I remember this guy!

Yep, it was Albert. It's been about 2 and a half years since I last saw him. I still had a little crush on him after all this time. His hair was cut a little shorter than the last time, but it was still long. His hair kinda looked like Justin's, only, it wasn't flared and it wasn't high lighted. He wasn't really dressed up for the occassion, he was only wearing ordinary jeans and an old shirt. His only accessories were bracelets on his left wrist. He didn't look much like it, but I can tell that he was a rock fan like me.

Back to where I was, his first song was "Play that Funky Music" by ?Lenny Kravitz? I'm not sure. Anyway, the music started playing and everyone was bobbing their heads and moving their shoulders to the beat. At first I thought it was going to be just another one of those "jologs/bisaya na nangengeelam ng mic" but once he began singing I said to myself: Oh my God, he has a nice voice! The song wasn't really built to impress me, geez it's just an old disco song anyway. But the way he sang it, trying to immitate the original singer, it came out quite good. The song's still playing on my head as I write this blog. "Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die."

I think Albert got a little embarrassed with his firts performance coz everyone was hooting and shouting at him. I don't think they were aware of his hidden talent before. So his next song was not until 4 hours later. The song he picked was "Bohemian Rhapsody" and when the song title appeared on the screen everyone started teasing him again. Bohemian Rhapsody is a very difficult song to sing, especially for guys. It's a rock song with a very high pitch. I dunno what happened in that performance, one of his barkadas was pulling and taking the mic from him. Geez that little guy that looked like a lizard was "bisaya" so when he tries to take the mic from Albert I get really irritated coz his voice was like that of a Trix Rabbit. I wanted to shoot him dead on the spot. So Albert didn't get a good performance like the first time because of his ass hole barkada. Grabe, kapal ng mukha nung gunggong na yun.

I didn't get to hear him sing again, I was groggy and sleepy so I went inside the house and stretched out on the couch. After a few minutes I fell asleep.

Albert isn't really that cute. He looks like an ordinary guy. I don't know why I have a crush on him, maybe it's because of his height. He was tall and so thin. Oooh, I remember; he has this terrible scar on his stomach. It was big and nasty it looked like a snake. I wonder where he got that scar? Anyway... hearing his voice even got me more interested to him. But I have a boyfriend. Period. I'm happy and contented, although not always coz we always fight and argue.I dunno. I should forget about Albert, he doesn't like me anyway. He doesn't even know me for Pete's sake. And one thing, he's a graduate and he's still unemployed. That's one of the things that turns me off. Anyway, I should really stop having crushes on other guys you know. It's becoming a habit. From now on, I'm gonna stop boy watching.

posted by One Winged Angel @ 4:02 AM 0 comments

About Me

Name: Grace Ann Buenaventura

Blogger Code: B6 d- t k+ s+ u-- f i o+ x- e+ l+ c+

Home: San Jose del Monte, Bulacan, Philippines

Birth: January 10

Zodiac: Capricorn

Chinese Zodiac: Tiger

Books: Harry Potter series, Shogun, The Da Vinci Code, Lord of the Rings trillogy, The Hobbit

Movies: The Matrix, The Butterfly Effect, The Saw, What Dreams May Come, Moulin Rouge, Hero, Glory

Music: Alternative Rock, Rock, Dark Rock, Trance, Pop, RnB

More About Me: Well, I can't really say much about myself coz I don't know me that well. Strange huh? All I know is that I'm a brat, I have two personalities (one likes rock, and is a loner; the other one is a party animal who likes trance and is a socialite). If you wanna know more about me, better see me in person. ^__^

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